Sunday, February 28, 2010

Starting to feel the SQUEEZE!!

We are down to four days. Four short days to get everything in order for the wedding. I am starting to feel the stress. Cory and I have had plans for the last two days to move as much as we can in to the house. We have not moved one dang thing. Thursday night was the night my sisters and I had planning at the church. Friday, Cory called in sick to work. He was still MISERABLE. Plus, he was on Loratab so he shouldn't have been working/driving anyway. Friday night I came home from work and decided to work on Cory's (very late) Valentine's present instead of packing or moving anything. I decided we could get plenty done on Saturday. Then, Saturday morning, I decided I really didn't need to get ready. Mae Mae was late picking up Phillip, so I didn't finish getting ready until after noon. I had a lunch appointment at one, so instead of moving Cory and I decided to go to the mall to get the rest of my outfit for the wedding. He then came to lunch with me, we took my friends over to the house to see it, went and switched laundry, and went and picked out flowers for the wedding. By the time we were done doing all of this, it was almost time to come back home to meet the kids. One day down.

Then, today, we had made plans to go to church but decided at the last minute (mostly due to the fact that I couldn't get out of bed this morning, love that nighttime cold medicine!) that we had too many other things to do. Stephanie and I had made plans to go take our pictures for the wedding today. I figured it really wouldn't take very long, maybe an hour tops, and then we could move after that. We had to be back home at four, and we left a little after noon. We didn't finish with the pictures until about quarter to four. We then had dinner and my parents had a meeting to go to down town. Two days down.

Tomorrow, we both have to work all day and then we have an appointment with Shauna to go through all of our pictures and decide what we want on the wedding DVD that will be playing at our reception. That should take most of the night. Three days down.
That puts us in to Tuesday. The wedding is Thursday. Wednesday night will have to be a "girly" night because I need to have most of that stuff done before I start getting ready for the wedding on Thursday. That leaves us one day to do all of the packing and moving. I'm feeling it now. That squeeze/pressure that tells me in my head we should have started working on all of this about three months ago. Yikes..

Stephanie and Cory have both pointed out to me multiple times that there is no rush on moving. We can continue to move things and organize things after the wedding. There is physically no way we can get it all done before the wedding. I guess I should just be grateful that the wedding plans are going as smoothly as they are. Stephanie and Shauna are doing a fantastic job of handling it, and I think it will turn out about a hundred times better than if I had stuck to my original plans to do it all myself. I am so glad that they stepped in and told me to let them help me. I know I will continue to feel the crunch, and I am so very grateful the wedding is only four days away. I can't imagine feeling this kind of pressure for months.

I am SO excited to be married. Cory and I are becoming closer and closer every day, which is a totally new concept for me. In my previous experience, by the time the wedding came around I wanted to kill my significant other. It seemed like all they could do before the wedding was annoy me and make me question my decision to marry them. Maybe, looking back, I should have questioned it a little bit harder. Well, live and learn I guess. I can seriously see myself being happy with Cory for the rest of forever, and I can't wait to get started on it. Sure, we annoy each other, and wear on each others nerves, but I think that is normal in every relationship. As long as the good outweighs the bad, I think that is all that matters. And in this relationship, the good TOTALLY outweighs the bad.

Friday, February 26, 2010

T minus 6 days and counting

Well, surprisingly enough, the wedding is actually coming together quite nicely. I have decided (or rather had other people decide for me) that I needed help. My sweet sisters have been stressing about me not knowing ANY details about anything, and they decided that they had better step in or nothing was going to get done. My sweet hubby-to-be found a gorgeous church for us to have the wedding at. I had a minor panic attack when I found out ours was being used for the Relief Society birthday dinner and would not be available. I didn't really have a backup plan. He stepped right in and knew exactly what to do. Within a couple of hours he had a building for us, and had already spoken to the people who schedule the building to see if we could get a key to go look at it. And then he got sick. Really sick. He was not able to go see the church last night. I took my sisters with me.

The church is much newer than ours, which means it is much more up to date. The Relief Society room where we will have the wedding is a really nice blue-grey color, very subtle and calming. Stephanie and Shauna helped me come up with some really nice ideas on how to decorate and where to put everything. It sounds like it's all going to come together really nicely. Stephanie made assignment lists for everyone who was involved. Mine is surprisingly small. She said she wants this to be enjoyable and doesn't want me stressing out about it. I need to get invitations out one of these days. It would really suck to be going to all this trouble and not have anyone show up because no one knows about it. I'm starting to get nervous thinking about all of the stuff we have to do, but I'm also really excited for it to be over and for Cory and I to start our lives together.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Holy crap this is actually happening!!

Ever have one of those sudden realization moments? Where you are sitting there, minding your own business, living your life, and all of a sudden... BAM!! A thought enters your mind that totally throws you off course and distracts you from all normal function. This has been happening a lot to me lately. The first few times were when I realized that Cory would be home soon. This happened all day Wednesday, and quite a few times on Thursday also. He finally got home on Thursday night. I was just finishing bunco night with the girls and knew that it was close to the time that he should be getting in to town, so I decided to go over to his apartment to surprise him. The half an hour that I had to wait for him to get there was just about the longest half an hour that I've ever had to wait. And, of course, the parking lot of his apartment complex was the busiest I have ever seen it. Cars kept coming and going, and every time I would see headlights my stomach would get butterflies. It's not very often I get to surprise him, so when I do it's very exciting for me. When I finally saw his car pull in, I got so excited that I accidentally turned on my windshield wipers and froze them in the middle of my windshield. Then, I locked myself in my car while trying to unlock it. I am not the most coordinated person in the world. I got out of the car and walked over to his parking structure. He was looking down at his phone, sending me a text, and when he looked up I got a look of what I can only describe as pure joy. I loved knowing that he was just as excited to see me as I was to see him. He got out of the car and I got the most amazing hug! Needless to say, I did not get much sleep that night.

I've also had this realization quite a few times over the last couple of days that I am actually getting married. In a week and a half. Only 11 more days. And have I mentioned that I have absolutely NOTHING planned. All we have is a date. We have no idea who will be performing the wedding, where it will be, who is invited, how we are inviting those that are invited. I'm starting to stress out just a little bit. Ok, maybe more than a little bit. We spent ALL day yesterday helping Kim and Braxton move home, and shopping for things that we need to set up our house. I finally got Lexie a bed. Which is a good thing seeing as how right now she is sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor of my room. I wanted to make both Lexie and Phillip quilts before we get married but I'm not sure it is going to happen. I also started making a shopping list yesterday of all the food we will need to buy our first time going shopping. It was two pages long. And that is just the staples. All of the planning that we have been doing is "life" planning, not "wedding" planning. I guess I just kind of assumed that it would all fall together since that is how everything else leading up to this has been. We might have a really informal wedding with no one there. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Monday, February 15, 2010

It's finally over!!

Well, it's over finally. We all survived. One of us only barely. Lexie got home from Mae Mae's yesterday about three. Mae Mae called me at eleven and told me that they were going to go eat lunch with Lexie's dad and then one of them would bring her home. We were talking about the details of the night and I heard her say "Ok, sweetie, I don't think you should have any more sugar." That was my first clue that yesterday evening would NOT be a very smooth evening. She came home glassy eyed and whining, a normal for her, with a very interesting aroma. I leaned in to give her a hug and almost choked. "Honey what do you smell like?" She looks up at me with her bright smile and comments "Mae Mae let me put on some of her perfume!" Some! It smelled like she had bathed in the stuff. Perfume makes me sick in general, but this sweet, sugary aroma was more than I could stomach. I touched her hair the way I always do when I have news that I know she isn't going to like, about to say she should probably go take a shower. My hand got stuck. Apparently someone had been playing in the "glue" gel that Daddy uses also. I turned around to say goodbye to her dad, and he handed me five (FIVE!!) bags of candy. "Here. These are from my mom." I put them on the floor behind me and turned around to close the door. When I turned back around she was already on the floor going through them, her mouth full of conversation hearts. "No more!" I said, probably much more forcefully than I should have. She immediately crumbled in to a ball and started whimpering. I changed my tone. "Come on sweetie, it's time to go take a shower." "BUT I TOOK A BATH AT MAE MAE'S HOUSE!!" Yep, this is what I was expecting. I told her she needed to take one anyway. She got up and stomped down the stairs, went in to her room, and slammed the door. I went in to my room and started stripping Phillip down. I normally shower them both at the same time because then she can play while I'm getting him dressed. When he was ready, I took him to her room and opened the door. She was sitting on her bed playing with one of the toys she had brought home. I told her Phillip was ready and she wasn't going to be able to play if she didn't hurry. She grumped at me, but got off the bed. I took him in to the bathroom to put him in the shower. She came in behind me, no clothes, but this weird bluish tint all over her body. I grabbed her arm. "What is THAT?" "Mae Mae let me play with the window chalk. I wanted to be a smurf." I'm SO grateful I taught her what a smurf is. It took me three times shampooing her hair to get the gel out, twice bathing her to get the blue off, and she screamed at me the whole time.

The drama ended shortly after as I perched her in front of the tv to calm down for the hour we had until dinner. As soon as my parents got home from church, she started with the dinner routine. "I don't think my stomach feels good enough for dinner." You think? With the pound and a half of candy I could confirm she'd eaten, with who knows how much more. "You need to eat, it helps make you strong and healthy." "But my stomach HURTS." This is normal. We go through this every night. "I don't care, it's time to eat." When we got upstairs my mom had salads ready for us, and an amazing looking lasagna in the middle of the table. She took one look at it. "I'm not eating that." This is normal also. I told her it was just like pasketti, one of her favorites, but with long noodles. She pouted and whined through her salad, but she ate it. Then it was time for the main course. She was NOT having any of it. So, I figured a good compromise. I let her eat the remainder of her lunch that she had brought home, noodles and tomato sauce. Not too surprisingly, she didn't want that either. But tonight, I had a bargaining tool. "It's Valentine's Day, and the Valentine's Day Fairy is coming to bring you your cookie. I'm going to eat it since your tummy is too sick to eat." I wasn't too surprised by the tantrum this time. I looked at her, "Change your attitude and eat NOW and maybe you can still have it." She took two bites. "Ok, I took ten bites, I'm done now." She tried this trick four more times until she had actually eaten most of the dinner.

I told my mom it was ok for her to do her "Valentine's Fairy" routine, a family tradition that we have done for as long as I can remember. My mom makes amazing sugar cookies that each say "I love you" followed by our names. They are covered in conversation hearts and cinnamon hearts. They are amazing, and we look forward to them every year. My mom opens the garage, runs around to the front door, and rings the doorbell and runs leaving the cookies on the doorstep. Lexie ran to get the door. She opened it a bit and peeped out. "What the..." She opened the door a little bit bigger. "What is this?" She picked up the bag and looked inside. "Cookies! Grandma, Grandpa! We got cookies!" She took them inside, banging them on the child gate as she climbed over. I cringed. I could just see the cookies in pieces inside. They actually held up pretty well. She sat down and we started handed out the cookies. I could see her eyes get bigger with each cookie, looking for her own. These cookies are almost as big as her head. My mom handed her hers, and she immediately ripped in to it. It was gone in a matter of minutes.

Probably the biggest thrill of the night was watching Phillip with his cookie. My mom had worked really hard making him a gluten free cookie with milk free frosting. She was so excited to see him eat it, and he did not disappoint. There was hardly a crumb that escaped him. The only thing he wouldn't eat was the cinnamon hearts. It was so cute to watch him enjoy it. As soon as he was done, he started laughing with his deep belly laugh that I love to hear. You could almost see the sugar pumping through his veins. I got him down and let him and Lexie run around while my mom and I were getting the mess cleaned up. They ran up and down the hall, laughing and screaming. I was dreading putting them to bed, knowing that it would take hours for them to calm down and fall asleep. I didn't need to worry, they were both asleep within twenty minutes.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Single Awareness Day!!

I've never really liked this day. Valentine's Day used to be something in high school where there was all this anticipation of "maybe someone will actually like me this year and I'll have something to celebrate". Then, after high school it became a day that I would dread. There have been quite a few horrible Valentine's Days in my past. For example, my first one being married, less than a month after the wedding.

I spent all day planning this huge surprise dinner, involving cooking (which I had not ever really done before), cleaning the house top to bottom, and multiple other things. Not to mention the fact that I was pregnant and sick. My "dear sweet hubby" came home from work at about five, and let's just say the surprise was in fact very much a surprise. He came in and told me that he was changing and going out. I told him that I had planned this big huge dinner and was looking forward to spending the night together, something we didn't get to do very often with our crazy work schedules. He said that I "hadn't mentioned any plans so he didn't think we had any". Can we say SURPRISE! All of his guy friends were going to a club downtown and he had promised he would go with them. A huge fight ensued. End of the story, he went out with his friends and I spent the night scraping chicken and rice off the kitchen floors and walls. He didn't come home that night. I don't think I would have either.

Shortly after that experience, I got a job at a restaurant. For anyone who has never worked in a restaurant you might have experienced a little bit of the craziness if you have ever tried to eat in a restaurant on Valentine's Day. Behind the scenes, it is about ten times worse. Valentine's Day became an end target. If I can just make it through the end of Valentine's Day... But at least it gave me the excuse to stop celebrating it. I became very good at explaining to people that with me having to work on Valentine's Day it was something we just didn't celebrate. After that, it progressed in to "we don't like having a specific day where we HAVE to buy each other something, we prefer to buy each other something or be romantic with each other because we CHOOSE to". Most people bought it.

Then there was the Valentine's Day two years ago. The restaurant job was far behind me, the marriage was on it's way out. I had done a pretty good job of convincing everyone that I was working with that we were separated out of necessity, and we just weren't celebrating Valentine's Day because that was something we didn't do. Imagine my surprise when I was called up to the front desk. I had been watching all the girls around me get these gorgeous bouquets of roses, chocolates, wrapped gifts, and packages throughout the morning. I went up to the front thinking there was some kind of confusion. Another girl in my office has a very similar name, both very unique names, and I was getting her stuff all the time. When I got there, sitting on the desk was a very simple but gorgeous vase with a few flowers in it and a ribbon tied around it. I checked the card, and to my great surprise it had MY name on it, first and last. They were for me! I was confused, but very excited that he had actually thought to get me something. I went back to the desk, and immediately called him. The conversation went something like this.

Me: "Thank you so much for the flowers. They are so pretty!"
Him: "What flowers?"
Me: "....."
Him: "Did someone send you flowers?!"
Me: "......"
Him: "Are you cheating on me?! Why would someone be sending you flowers?! I knew it!
Me: "No I'm not cheating on you. Yes, I got flowers, but I just assumed they were from you. If I was cheating on you do you really thing I'd call and THANK YOU for the flowers?"
Him: "Yes, because that's something you would do, just to make me jealous."

This went on for about five more minutes in words that I'd rather not publish that I actually said. I was crying by the time I got off the phone. Then I started thinking. Of course! It had to be my baby sister. We had both mentioned to each other that we missed getting flowers on Valentine's Day, and I had sent her flowers before. She'd even gotten me a gorgeous flower for my birthday. I called her office. She sounded very cheery when she answered the phone. I asked her if the flowers were from her. She said no, she hadn't gotten me any. I said "Are you sure?" I was hoping that maybe she had and just forgotten. She did not seem to like me questioning her memory. I was considering asking her if I could just tell my hubby they were from her so he would back off. I decided that might not be the best idea. Honesty is the best policy.

I got off the phone with her and started searching my brain for anyone else who would send me flowers. I had a few friends, but no one who would do this. I had pretty much everyone convinced that I just didn't celebrate Valentine's Day. The girl who sat across the aisle from me got up to go to lunch and stopped by my desk. "Oh! You got flowers! How pretty." I told her thanks and went to go back to my work. "Do you like them?" It struck me as kind of an odd question. Of course I liked them. I turned back to her. "Yes, I like them, they are very pretty." "You don't seem very happy." I told her the brief version of what had just transpired between me and my husband. Honestly, I was surprised she didn't hear it. I'm not the quietest person when I'm upset. She then asked me "Can't he just be happy that someone sent you flowers?" I replied "No, that would be too easy. He's now convinced I'm cheating on him." Her face got very sad. "Oh my gosh I am so sorry. I didn't realize this would cause problems." I started to laugh. My sweet coworker, this adorable little newlywed who sat across the isle from me, had been so distraught that I wouldn't get anything for Valentine's Day that she ordered me some flowers off the internet. I thanked her, and turned back to my phone excited that the mystery had been solved. I called my hubby to let him know. He was not amused.

Finally, there was last Valentine's Day. Last years Valentine's will go down in my books as one of my top two worst ones. I won't go in to details, it wasn't anything that was anyone's fault. I was just extremely glad when the day was over. My plans for this Valentine's Day are very simple: survive. I'm sad that Cory can't be here with me, but it's obviously not the worst it could be. I have many more happy Valentine's Days to look forward to. I can't wait to celebrate every one with him. For today though, I will make do with waking up to a very sweet text from him, a great phone conversation complete with his kids laughing and playing in the background, and a cookie from the "Valentine fairy" tonight. One more day down, only five more to go.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Today is a sad, cheerless day...

Ok, I know as far as horrible disturbing news goes this is about a 0.5 on a scale of one to ten, but let me put you in to my world for a minute. Today has been a very busy day for me. Multiple loads over to the new house, multiple stores visited as I was looking for good sales. I bought a chest freezer, something we've been talking about needing for awhile, and it was knocked down to less than half price. I helped my parents completely redo their downstairs storage room, building shelves and assembling a bookshelf. I worked HARD.

Now, some back story. Cory and I have been trying really hard to not eat out lately, and we've been doing pretty good. The weekends are the one time I allow myself to have one fast food meal. I choose this meal very carefully. I'm used to eating out a lot, and I've become quite a conniseur of fast food. There are multiple "comfort foods" that I crave, and trying to pick which one I will let myself indulge in can sometimes be quite the task. Tonight was no different.

As we were downstairs putting the finishing touches on the bookcase, I realized that my stomach was starting to hurt. Not just any hurt, but that hurt when you all of a sudden realize it's been about nine hours since you last ate and your blood sugar is dangerously low. This was the point I had been waiting for. When I eat out, I like to be STARVING. That way, no matter what I get, it always tastes like the greatest food in the world. I had actually been planning this meal for about two weeks. I know it's dumb, but when I knew Cory was going out of town I started planning certain things that would give me things to look forward to. Getting the house arranged, playing bunco with the girls on Thursday, starting to plan the wedding, painting my toenails and having a "girly" night. The one thing I had put on my list that involved food was dinner tonight. Tonight I was going to have my ultimate comfort food. Sconecutter.... I know to most people, Sconecutter is just "food" but to me it is the ultimate in comfort food. Sconecutter has seen me through three pregnancies, two divorces, and multiple late night cravings. They had everything. Salty, sweet, chewy, crunchy, cheesy. It seems like no matter what I craved they had something on the menu that could fill that craving. And seeing as how most of my adult life I had worked jobs where the time I got off was between midnight and three in the morning when there weren't a lot of options I had seen Sconecutter as some kind of lifeline. I had come to think of Sconecutter as more than just food, it was a good friend. Tonight I was looking to it to help comfort me in this week without Cory.

My dinner adventure started at about 8:30. I told my parents I'd be right back, and got in my car. I drove the one mile down the road to my nearest Sconecutter, very anxious to get my food and get back home. That's another thing about Sconecutter. I love to eat it on my bed while watching some dramatic reality TV. Tonight would be no different, this was the relaxation I had been looking forward to all night. I realized as I got close to the place where the Sconecutter was that something wasn't right. The familiar orange glow from the neon sign was not there. I figured I had just turned in to the parking lot a little too early, and drove around a bit. But, as I got closer, I realized the sign was not on. Not only that, the drivethrough menus were gone and the building looked abandoned. I didn't think too much of it. I had tried to go to that one before, and they had been closed for various reasons. It was an old building, and in a part of town that had become pretty much deserted since they turned the other street from a two lane gravel pit road to a five lane main street. I left the parking lot and drove the three blocks to the next Sconecutter. I could tell from a few blocks away that this one would be the same story. So, I turned right and went for the last Sconecutter, about 20 blocks from my house. I was devastated to find that this one was the same story. I know getting upset about food is not the healthiest thing in the world, but I am NOT the type of person who can just change her mind about things like that. My mom calls it "having my taster all tasted up", and that is exactly how it was. Once I knew that Sconecutter was what I wanted nothing else would taste nearly as good.

I called Cory, because that's what I do when I'm upset about something, and as always he knew exactly what to do. He listened very patiently, told me he was sorry and that was horrible, and then he started to laugh. It was at about this point that I realized how dumb it really was. This was not a life changing catastrophe, it was just food. Yes, it may have not been what I planned, but I would make do. As I keep telling Lexie, this is part of being an adult. You don't always get what you want. But, he didn't tell me I was stupid for feeling that way. This is one of the things I love so much about him. He lets me have my bad days. He lets me get upset over dumb things. He listens to what I have to say. And then he makes me feel better. He was exactly what I needed to help solve my night.

For anyone who cares, I had Arctic Circle for dinner tonight. And no, it was not anywhere near the Turkey Avocado scone on white with lettuce and sprouts only, Spicy Fries, and a Raspberry Lemonade that I had been craving all day. But it was pretty good, and my stomach is now full, so I guess in the long run that is what counts.

Moving Day!!

Today was day one of the big move in to our new house. We got so much done! By the time I woke up this morning my dad already had all of the stuff from the basement that I'm not currently using loaded in the van. I got ready and got Phillip ready for his big day with Mae Mae, and then as soon as he left we took the first load over to the house. Every time I see it I fall more in love with it. It is such a cute little house and I am so excited that in less than a month it will be OUR first house.

I didn't realize how much stuff I had. We had boxes and crates of a bunch of stuff I didn't even recognize or had totally forgotten I had. I probably should have taken some time to go through it before today. I hate spending time moving things just to realize that I really didn't need them after all. Then we went to Ikea. I found some new silverware to replace the stuff that has been destroyed by multiple moves. I found a really cute bed for Lexie that I would love for her to have, but we probably won't end up getting because we really don't NEED it. By the time we got back, Mimi and Braxton were here with a load of furniture they are giving to us because they are downsizing. They had two cute pink wingback chairs that will probably need to be reupholstered at some point, three dressers, and the desk I gave them a few years ago when I was downsizing. Then Braxton and my dad moved the entertainment center, the couches, and the bed. I'm amazed at how much stuff we already have in the house. It's all coming together so nice.

I guess my next move is to go over to Cory's and start packing up a lot of the stuff he has there. I'm a little scared to do that. I know he'll still need a lot of the stuff for the next month while he'll be living there. I would like to get the kitchen stuff moved. I don't think he uses that too much, and it's stuff the kids and I will need when we start living there in a few weeks. I'm debating on if we should move in before the wedding or not. It sounds like Mimi and Braxton will be moving in on February 28th, so it would be nice for us to be able to be out by the first so we don't overlap too much. I know this is going to be quite an adjustment for everyone and I really don't want to be in the way. Not to mention the fact that I'm really excited to start my family on my own. I can't wait!

Friday, February 12, 2010

The start of a VERY long week

I'm really missing my Cory right now. I know how important it is for him to be with his kids, but my heart aches when he's not here. How is it that even though we only get about two hours to be together every night before he has to go home my life can still seem so empty without him. I feel completely selfish for wanting him to give up time with his kids to be here with me. I should be able to function without him. I have so much to do this weekend, so much moving to do and getting our house ready for the wedding (27 days... ) but my world seems to not have sunshine without him. My drives to work are lonelier without him, there isn't the little surprises of seeing him walk past my office door, no getting to take a break and go see him when I just can't take it any more. Today is just the first day.

I made sure to spend lots of good time with the kids tonight. Lexie is going to sleep at Mae Mae's again. Phillip went right out seeing as how he was up at about 1:30 this morning. Even Mom and Dad had some social thing to go to. So for now it's just me, my computer, and my lonely heart. I hope this week goes by quickly.