Sunday, January 30, 2011

Fry Sauce

Phillip experienced fry sauce for the first time tonight.  I won't say it was a raving success, but he did eat it willingly at the end.  We had been trying to get him to taste it for awhile.  He loves french fries, and it just seemed natural that he would love the fry sauce too.  Unfortunately, he is very wary of us trying to feed him any new foods.  We have to trick him in to trying things.  Our normal routine is to start out feeding him something he is used to, and then wait until he's not paying attention and sneak in a bite of whatever we want him to try.  Most of the time, this is immediately followed by a gag, quick-motion tongue scrape, and a jaw clamp that makes it impossible to feed him anything else. 

Tonight at dinner, he was eating my french fries so I opened a container of fry sauce and stuck it over in front of him.  He eyed it warily, and then ignored it.  He's really good at the whole "if I don't see it, it's not there" thing.  He didn't immediately push it away, so I decided to push his boundaries a little bit.  I stuck my finger in the fry sauce, and quickly moved to wipe some of it on his lips. This is standard for getting him to try anything liquid.  He'll normally wipe it off, but will lick a little in the process.  Imagine my surprise when he didn't try to pull away from me, and instead stuck his tongue out to meet my finger.  He tasted the sauce, and didn't spit it out.  But, when I tried to give him a french fry with the sauce on it, he pushed it away. 

He ended up letting me give him a fry with sauce on it, but he wouldn't bite it.  He would stick the very end of it in his mouth and suck the fry sauce off, and then dip it back in the fry sauce.  Then, when the sauce was all off of it he'd finally eat the french fry.  It was so cute to watch.  He's so timid with new foods, it's always a big deal when we get him to try something new.  Yay!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Oh the dumb things I do

How many times are there in life when you look back at a decision you've made and say "Well, that wasn't exactly the smartest thing I could've done?"  This week has been one of those weeks for me.  It's been crazy at work, crazy with personal stuff, and for some reason my hormones have been going crazy right along with everything else.  I have been a basket case.  For some odd reason, when life gets like this, I completely shut off.  I don't want to do ANYTHING.  Cooking?  Nope, not gonna happen.  Cleaning?  I think I know what that is, but it sounds scary.  Don't wanna try it.  Work?  I think that is that place that I go every day where I'm supposed to get something accomplished.  Motherly and Wifely duties?  Hmm..  No.  And then comes the genius in me that makes the oh so smart decisions.  This hit a couple of days ago. 

We've been going through some issues (beyond issues) lately with Lovely Ex, and seeing how hard all of this is on Cory makes me want to be a better ex to Delinquent Ex.  I stumbled across his facebook page a couple of months ago (stumbled across as in went looking and immediately regretted finding it) and sent him a not-too-nicely worded message asking him to handle the pictures he has of my kids on there more carefully.  They were public, and I'm not comfortable with the world having access to pictures of my kids.    A paranoia that might be caused by the massive amounts of Law and Order: SVU that Cory and I have been watching lately.  He responded, made the pictures private, and apologized.  He also asked me some questions about the kids, and asked for current pictures of them.  This is where the bad decisions started to come in to play.

I had ignored the message, not responding or acknowledging, but stupid me I didn't delete the message out of my inbox.  I was having a particularly bad day and was messing around on facebook trying to escape reality.  I came across his message, and responded, letting him know how well the kids were doing and how happy they are.  I then GAVE HIM MY DAUGHTER'S EMAIL ADDRESS.  I registered Lexie for an email account over the summer when her best friend Haley was going to be living with her mom in California for a few months.  She's never gotten in to it, and as far as I know she doesn't even know she has one.  Her and Haley never communicated.  So now comes the hard part...  When he sends an email (and he inevitably will, because he's all about showing what a "loving, devoted" dad he is) do I let her read it?  She is doing so well lately, and I'm worried this will  open up old wounds that are finally starting to heal.  Do I tell him I changed my mind and he's not allowed to communicate with her?  Do I just ignore it? 

I really wish my life had a "reset" button sometimes...

Friday, January 21, 2011

Lawyers and Lies

How sad is it that those two words often go together? Cory and I have been watching Law and Order: SVU a lot lately (one of the shows we get instantly through Netflix), and we've both noticed that lawyers are shady characters. It seems like on the show the defense lawyers are always trying to discredit the evidence and poke holes in the witness statements. We love watching the bad guys get theirs, and getting frustrated over when someone gets off just because the lawyer was able to convince the jury that there just wasn't enough evidence to convict.

Richard Gere portrays another not quite honest lawyer in the movie "Chicago". He does an EXCELLENT job of showing that the court system is more about theatrics and stories and getting the public sympathy then what the true facts of the case are. The scene where they are in court and comparing it to a circus is one of my favorite songs in the movie, and I've always found it almost laughable how he twists things around and makes it sound like the prosecutor has no case, even though the defendant has confessed to murder on multiple occasions.

Our lawyer that Cory and I are working with right now on the divorce proceedings reminds me a lot of Richard Gere in the movie. For him, it's all about spinning a good story and making the judge feel sympathy for us. He likes to make Lovely Ex and her lawyer both look like idiots in court, making them sound petty for bringing charges against us, and making her sound like she's a little weasel for trying to hide stuff from us. Up until yesterday, I really honestly believed that we had a chance of things turning around, and the judge seeing things from our point of view.

Yesterday Cory and I went to meet with another lawyer. By reputation, she is a lawyer who does not talk around the issue, and she doesn't just tell you what you want to hear. Her reputation is correct. She basically told us that we have no case on a lot of the things, and we are wasting money by trying to fight her. Cory got a very raw deal, due to some very low handed things done by both Lovely Ex and her first "lawyer", but he signed the papers out of desperation. Because they are signed, those papers are what we are going to be held to. No lawyer is going to overturn them, because he was an adult and he understood what he was signing. She said we do have a good case on alimony, because she has remarried so technically we shouldn't be paying that, but on everything else there hasn't been substantial enough of a change for us to modify anything in the papers. It hurt to hear..

I guess I am grateful that Cory and I are making it. We are stronger than this, and when it comes down to it in the larger picture of life, these little things don't matter. We will probably never own a house. We won't be able to build up any kind of savings. By worldly standards, we will never be "well off". But we are in love. We are happy. We have four kids we love to death, and we will make the most of the times that we have with them. It may not be the ideal, but it's enough for me. The things that are important to me are things even the shadiest lawyer can't touch, regardless of how hard they try. I guess crafty lawyers aren't as amusing in real life as they are on TV.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

One year ago today..

I said yes.  He knew I would.  We both knew from the beginning that we would end up married.  It was crazy how natural it seemed to be talking about futures and plans and finances with him.  We both knew it was coming, we just weren't sure how it would ever happen.  We both had hard enough circumstances leading up to our relationship that marriage was something that just didn't seem to work in our heads.  How would we ever be able to afford a place to live?  How would it work with the kids?  Would my mom still watch them?  With our financial situation, there was no way we would be able to afford daycare, especially not one that was good enough to put Phillip in.  Without my mom's care when he wasn't in school, it wouldn't take long for the last three years of progress to undo itself.  We knew we wanted to, we were just scared to make that step.

And then, just as it had our entire relationship, the universe decided to take control and shove us in the direction we needed to go in.  Looking back now, it's amazing how simple it all was.  First step was the house.  A suggestion was made as a joke, and then as we started talking about the details things fell in to place.  We were able to get an AMAZING house right down the street from my parents.  Both kids could stay in the schools they were already enrolled in.  It had plenty of room for all of us, even for Cory's kids when they came to visit.  It had a great yard for the kids to play in.  It even had a garage.  The timing was perfect.  Cory's lease was going to be up in two months.  We set the date.  The first date. 

That date would continue to change due to various circumstances throughout our whole engagement.  But, the important thing was, we were getting married.  It was finally happening, and as of one year ago today, I had the ring on my finger to prove it.  He proposed in the first place I ever told him I loved him.  A place that would be romantic to no one except him and me.  I cried, even though I knew it was coming.  And then I kissed him, and said yes.