Thursday, July 21, 2011

Pet Peeves Of Mine

This is a small and incomplete list, but for some odd reason, they are things that are on my mind right now:
  1. Not finding the big creepy black thing in the bathroom until after Cory had left.
  2. Realizing seconds after seeing it crawl less than an inch from my toe that I am not wearing shoes.
  3. That feeling when I realize I have to go find shoes.
  4. Not being able to find the creepy black thing once I return with the shoes.
  5. Having to move things around to find it (I'm always sure it's going to crawl on me).
  6. Stepping on anything that crunches.
  7. Being scared by everything that I see out of the corner of my eye, sure that it's another creepy black thing.
  8. Feeling things crawling all over me for the rest of the night.
So, how was your night?

Monday, July 18, 2011

Living my Life

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while,
So we can see life with a clearer view again.

It always amazes me how good life feels every time we finish with a step of whatever obstacle we are going through.  Even if we thought it wasn't that big of a deal, or it didn't have that much of an impact, just knowing that it is done takes a major weight off of our shoulders and lets us live, even if it is only for a couple of days.  It seems like for the first time in quite a while, we don't really have anything major hanging over our heads.  There are little things, little obligations or events that are coming up in the next month that as little as two months ago would have thrown me for a major loop.  Now, they don't seem like that big of a deal.

I think a lot of my ability to cope with things has to do with Cory.  He is such a major support to me, and he keeps me calm and level.  He holds me in his arms and the whole world disappears.  No matter how bad of a day it has been, or what I am stressed about, he knows exactly what to do or say to get me laughing and relaxed again.  I would be a wreck without him.  I love so much about him. 

Ok, enough gushy.  This week is going to be a little rough, finishing up all my tasks with my current job.  I'll be very grateful when it is all done and I can just transition in to my new job and begin learning my responsibilities.  Life is going in a good direction, for right now it's just tying up all the loose ends and getting ready for the next chapter.  Baby steps, right?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Guys Night Out

I felt guilty a teeny tiny bit for leaving Cory home alone with Phillip last night.  He is so great to watch him so I can go out and have fun with my friends.  He fed him dinner, played with him, and made sure he got to bed.  When I came home it was so nice to be able to just go straight to bed without having to do mommy stuff first.  I decided to make it up to him by sending him out tonight for a guys night out with one of his friends whose wife happens to be one of the girls I went out with last night.  I mentioned to her that Cory wanted to see the new Transformers movie, and she said her husband did too, so we arranged a nice little evening for them. 

We don't do stuff apart very often.  Just about the only time we aren't physically together is at work, and even then he is just an IM away.  I can share any thought I have with him as soon as I have it instead of having to remember it so I can tell him later.  I miss him when he's not here. 

The plus side of having a night without my husband is I can take as long as I want when I am redesigning my blog.  I like to make sure things are evenly spaced and I always feel like I should be spending time with Cory instead of obsessing over how tilted a picture is.  The negative side is the neighbor's sprinklers scaring me half to death when they turned on a couple of minutes ago.  I guess if he can survive a night without me, I can survive a night without him.  At least this way, I get to miss him and it makes it that much better when he gets home.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

And... we're back!

I am one of the luckiest people in the world.  Tonight was such an awesome night, and it was exactly what I needed to give me a boost.  Fantastic friends, amazing food, a little legalized gambling, and laughing until my sides hurt.  I get to say that I belong to the greatest group of people.  There is nothing better than a night of just us girls being girls, knowing that no matter what we say or what stupid things we do we are surrounded by people who love us and accept us as we really are.  I came home totally re-energized and feeling better than I have felt in quite a few weeks.

I just have to say that the girls that I get to hang out with once a month have become probably the best friends I have ever had.  I laugh with them, cry with them, pray for them, and love them as much as I love my own family.  I know that I can share anything with them and they care about what is going on in my life, and I hope they all feel that I care about them too.  I do, more than I think I ever realized.  Tonight as we were all sitting around talking I looked at each one of them and realized that they are such a major part of my life and they make me so happy.  Just getting to be around them makes me feel like I am among the greatest people I could imagine being a part of.

Tonight I am grateful for an amazing friend who did not take my initial "no" as an answer three years ago when she was organizing this little group.  I can't even imagine where my life would be without having them as a part of my life.  Through them, I have found true friends, acceptance, support, laughter, and even a place to live.  I am grateful for inspiration, both on her part and mine, that made it possible for me to be a part of this.  Life is good, and friends make it even better.  I love you ladies!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Powering Down

The last couple of weeks have been slightly stressful. Preparing to switch jobs, working on documents for court, two trips in a row up to Idaho, countless nightmares, and many days without even having the energy to cook a meal.  By the time we get home it's all I can do to just last until it's time to get Phillip to bed before I crash.  It's a dang good thing Lexie is with Mae Mae in Michigan, because I KNOW I'm not winning any awards in parenting lately, and that's just with one kid.  I won't even get in to all the wifely awards I won't be winning.

Cory and I finally had an appointment with our lawyer today to prepare our final documents nothing like waiting until the last minute.  They're due on Friday.  It was not the greatest appointment ever.  He was probably the most dedicated I've ever seen him, but he had us get off work three hours early and drive to his office to watch him type.  Every once in a while he's pop in with "what does this say?" or "what was the date of that email?"  He really put everything he had in to those papers.  They're about ten pages long.  I feel good about the stuff he came up with.  I just wish I didn't have to sit there and watch him do it. 

In other news, I have about a week and a half left before I switch jobs, and I'm starting to feel that burn out that I always feel right before.  I don't want to do my current job any more.  I'm ready to start learning and doing my new job.  My boss has already started taking away my responsibilities, and all I have left is the really crappy stuff that makes me lose focus really fast.  I can only work on it for about three hours at a time before I need a break, and this is not good when I have to work at least nine hours a day. 

I'm extremely grateful there are only two more days left until the weekend.  I feel like I've been missing my weekends lately, with traveling to Idaho for the last two, and I'm VERY looking forward to just relaxing and enjoying this one.  Lots of time with the family, and lots of time doing absolutely nothing.  Hopefully it will be just the boost I need to make it through my last week of work.  I can't wait. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Things I Wish I Could Say

Apparently, we struck a nerve with Lovely Ex.  She has been sending rude, harassing, and downright mean emails to Cory ever since the day after court.  I won't go in to detail, they aren't worth mentioning, but reading them is enough to make your blood boil, which is exactly what her intent was.  There is one particular one where she references multiple parts of my divorce decree.  She quotes parts of it word for word, makes references to my ex and his choice of lifestyle that had to be included, and makes fun of my "pitiful" child support amount.  Then, the part that hurt the worst, she tells Cory that just because he got stuck providing for me and my children "including the retard" doesn't mean he is exempt from providing for his children.  I cried when I read that.  She can say whatever she wants about me and trust me she has but I HATE that she talks that way about my child. 

As I was reading the email, there were so many things that I wanted to say to her.  It took every ounce of willpower in my body to stop myself from hitting reply and telling her that not only does that show how narrow-minded and dense of a person she is, it shows how calloused and un-caring she is about anyone but herself.  I wanted to rip her apart.  The urge subsided.  I will not stoop to her level. 

Cory and I had quite the discussion after I read his email.  He has always been very open and honest with me and has never restricted my access to anything of his.  He normally tells me when he gets emails from her so we can document them and discuss if they need to be sent to our lawyer, but this one he decided not to tell me about, for obvious reasons.  He actually didn't tell me about any of the emails she's sent him since court.  He cried as we talked about it.  He apologized over and over again for her saying the things that she said.  I love him so much.  He does everything he can to protect me, even if it means him hurting in silence over everything that she said in an effort to keep me from being hurt.  He asked me if any of this makes me regret being with him, and I can honestly say if anything it just makes me more grateful.  I am so thankful, especially at times like this, that we make each other so happy.  He deserves to be happy after all that she has put him through and continues to put him through.

I would love nothing more than to expose the type of person that she is to all of the people in her new life.  I am sure that she has them all so fooled, just as she had Cory and his whole family fooled in to thinking that she is a decent person.  She might even have them actually thinking she is nice.  I would love to show them all the little demon that she is and warn them not to get too close.  I know Cory has mentioned quite a few times that he never would have believed the person he was married to, had kids with, and built a life with was capable of the things she has done since the divorce. 

She sent Cory and I an email after she found out we were trying to find out if she was married or not saying that she must be pretty important to us if we are taking all this effort to try and find things out about her life.  I guess that must mean I'm pretty important to her if she has gone to the effort of possibly committing a crime to get a copy of my divorce papers trust me, that WILL be investigated and all the other things she has attempted to do to find out things about us.  I honestly don't know a word bad enough to describe her.  I wish I could tell her everything I think about her, but unfortunately, I graduated the eighth grade and now feel a little uncomfortable behaving on that level.  Darn it.